How "I Can't" Never Did Anything, My Mother's Answer For My Will To Give Up

Do you believe in being conditioned through childhood, tell about your experiences growing up, also what trait(s) in...

This subject is one that I ponder mentally on a regular basis. I think my intrigue with it lies in the fact that I am one of four children. We are each roughly a year apart in age. The curiosity for me is how we four could be raised by the same two people and be so much alike and at the same time, so very, very different. I do believe that we are conditioned by our childhood and that much of our adult self, is formed from positive and negative influences as we mature into adults. The one thing I feel that has impacted me the most is how my Mother would react when I had given up as a child and declared," I can't" on any given subject.

The first time I remember Mom telling me, "I can't never did anything", was when she was trying to make me learn to brush the tangles out of my own hair. I was the oldest of three girls and we were trying to get dressed up for some special occasion. My hair was stick straight and beyond shoulder length. The tangles across my collar area were a huge ball of matted mess. Mom must have been pressed for time on this occasion and told me that I was old enough to brush my own hair out. I gave it a typical quick over, carefully avoiding the wad I could not see and, did not want to pull at, that lay on the back of my neck. It seemed hopeless and it hurt to try to work the tangles free. When Mom asked if I had gotten the tangles smooth I said "I can't".

That was my first mistake. My Mother very harshly announced to me that "I can't would never do anything". Now at the time this statement only served to confuse me and her rapidly growing frustration with me and my hair were only confounding the situation. I was soon to learn just how important it was to put out my very best effort even if it was not the best in show. I was expected to try, and to always try my best. Actually I started to cry.

Things were getting pretty complicated and it seemed hopeless to me as I could not understand why she was so upset. I did not have a clue about what she had meant by this statement that seemed to be a conflict in itself. I cried harder when she tried to explain, as she roughly and hurriedly brushed away at those tangles. She was unusually annoyed. I was hurt, both emotionally and physically and, it all felt to be, a big mess, equal to the tangles in my hair. Now Mom was always gentle and kind and I just did not understand why my tangles had upset her so. She was going on and on about giving up and not trying and, why?, I thought, as I cried away my own confusion and pain.

Soon after, Mom took the time to try to explain to me how I was giving up when I stated that I could not achieve whatever I was attempting. Saying "I can't" was a self defeating statement and one that was not allowed in my upbringing. The long term impact has been one of the most valuable lessons I have ever learned. My Mother would fly into anger at the sound of those two simple words, "I can't". I am hear to tell you that it seemed a long hard lesson and took me a while to grasp a true understanding,of such a simple statement. I made the mistake of stating "I can't" on other occasions and my Mother's response was always the same.

Mom often asks me why I am stubborn and independent and I have to laugh. My answer is always the same. The apple does not fall far from the tree. Mother, I say,"I am what you worked so hard to make me be".

Mom loves it when we go fishing. She always seems in awe of those big fish. I hear in her big smile, "that's my girl". Thanks Mom.